Mercy for me - but not for others?

You know what saddens me?  It's those who having received a mercy that they'd no doubt honestly feel was warranted them, then don't want to show that mercy to others.

I cannot claim to have discovered that phenomena.  Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ told a parable found in Matthew 18:21-35, about a man who owed a great deal of money, but his Master forgave him when he could not immediately pay.  But then that same man, found a man below him who owed him money, and was unmerciful towards him.

When the Master heard of that, he withdrew his mercy, as the man had not been similarly merciful.

This is, by the way, why in the Lord's Prayer it's said, "forgive us our trespasses - as we forgive those who trespass against us."

This is also why we learn in Doctrine and Covenants 64:10, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

Yet how rarely we do. 

Hence lately me hearing complaints about my perceived "leniency" at the Liahona Home. 

I've had a real upswing of complaints on that one - coincidentally after a young man who is openly homosexual was took in.  Usually getting a person at a sober living home to "tell" on another is a hopeless task, so besides mentioning that any of them can come to me, I don't bother quizzing them on the sobriety of each other.  Relapses always manifest themselves, anyway.  No addiction stays "hid" for long.  But while mostly guests are reticent about reporting someone, there's been no reticence here. 

Not been any shyness about complaining about the lesbian couple I'm aiding, either.  In spite of them progressing remarkably.

I explained as best I could.  This is a sober living home, and it is a safe place for people to recover.  But the thing about everyone in recovery is that many of us will have bumps on the road to recovery.  If by "many" I mean "all".  Thus the only way to have a perfectly safe sober living home - would be to not have any recovering addicts or alcoholics there!

There is always a lag time between the offense and me learning of it.  And between a first offense that might yet be corrected and a second.  And even - case by case - between a second offense in which there may yet be some hope, and another failing. 

I pointed out that we each have our issues, our errors, and our flaws.  The "safe" part is that mistakes are not allowed to grow and fester, or remain in place.  Perfection is not preached, but progress is, so that if a person is not receptive to counsel or correction, they will inevitably have to leave.

As to the two who live in a completely separate house, that I was accused of "coddling", it was that or leave them to die.  I can't bring all that are in that situation home, mores the pity, but I could bring in two.  I freely admitted to the guests of the first house that maybe I will fail, that maybe I will stand revealed a fool.  Spoiler alert, I was revealed as that long ago!  But no person's sobriety is on another person, so they'll have their chances to succeed or fail all the same.

No one "makes" a person drink or drug.  Triggers are just that - triggers.  What you choose to do in response to them is up to you.

How often do we hear active alcoholics or addicts say, "My nagging wife drove me to it!" or "My mean boss drove me to it!" or "An uncaring world drove me to it!"

Nonsense.  Those things no doubt did not aid you in making great choices.  But they didn't force any choice on you either.  At the end of the day, your sobriety is your own - or your drunkenness is.  Own it either way.  It's not on Obama or your boss or your wife - or on two addicts striving to recover any where else!  Or a young guy who's shorts are too short for my taste, but hey, I don't have to wear them!

Having made that point, I also pointed out that it was being overstated a bit anyway.  There is a big difference between an active addict and someone who has not had a whole week of being clean and sober yet.  A world of difference.  I pointed out to one guest that his number of days of "clean and sober" and the young man in question were - yeah, the same. 

We're not a detox.  Kind of why a detox is being called.  Kind of why I'm working with the case workers and POs on how to best progress this.  These things progress at a measured and appropriate pace, and ultimately, progress is either made, or eventually mercy to any not trying must be replaced by mercy to others truly affected by their lack of trying.

Because being actually affected by some bad behavior of an in your face active addict is one thing, and that is dealt with swiftly.  And with a swiftness usually quite surprising to the offender.  But simply citing that there are addicts in the world not fully recovered is another thing!  For that more mercy can be gave.

I had hoped that would end it, but the complaints were louder the next day.  Not over relapses, to the contrary, the kid had been observed as "sick" in a way that made it clear he was truly staying clean.  Too noisy, the light in his room with his curtain closed was too bright, too this, too that.  All code for "too gay".  One guest had "considerately" called some other places and was happy to let me know that they'd take him.  Another openly acknowledged, that yeah, it's because the kid's gay.  Okay, so that's two out of eight adults on two properties bothered by "gayness".  But it could be 7 out of 8 and the outcome would be the same.  At least while I'm the 8th!

I was very clear.  "That he's been sick shows that he really is trying to stay clean, that he goes to daily AA meetings says he's trying, and if he goes to detox, we'll know he's really serious."  A guest then said, "And when he goes to detox, you can give his bed to someone else?"  To which I replied, "When he completes a three day detox, that's a reason to be happy, not to kick him out."

"This doesn't sound like the kind of sober living house I was reading of.", I was gravely told.  "I don't know if I can stay here."

This from the guest who had started his stay here by drinking three nights in a row, and had a night's stay in our County jail over a drunken fight.  And had been relieved when I counseled with him, advised him that I'd like to still work with him, and then gave him another chance.

Well, so I made it clearer.  I told everyone, "The bottom line is that while we're a Christian themed house that would love to see everyone come to Christ, we are at the same time a non-profit corporation chartered by the State of Illinois and bound to obey their laws.  Discrimination is forbidden, not that I'm inclined to want to anyway.  And the church is very clear that we are to treat all people with love and respect and dignity, not just the ones we're comfortable with!  I don't care about any other problem any person has in their life, it is a large enough task for me to try and aid them in not picking up that next drink, or not getting that next high."

As to why I'm personally inclined to such mercies or second chances, whether a person is straight or gay?  Well, the goal is for the person to succeed, is what I usually say.  But it's more.  It's because I received mercy - an undeserved mercy.  From Jesus, of course, but from plenty in this world who reached down to aid me, even when I was a horse's ass.

It would be false of me to do less for others.