A Few Angry Apples

So, when someone leaves our sober living home, either voluntarily or due to some rule breaking, their departure is a mixed bag.

Often, in fact mostly, it is peaceable. And some want me to hold their stuff for awhile, and we do. I've kept stuff for over six months before. I've still a ton of stuff of various members in the basement of the sober living home.

Other times, the departure is not so good. This is blessedly not as common. But it does happen. We get threats. Even violent ones. And odd "get backs".

Had a guy try to camp out about a 100 yards behind our house near what's now Habitat for Humanity. His "plan" was to harass and harry us and he threatened to kick in our door and "get" us. He set up camp. Even was cooking dinner on a grill he had back there.

I had to go through a bit of trouble to get him clear of us. I've noticed in these cases that when they leave is NOT when we're done with them, they insist on "lingering on" by us having to keep them in mind and deal with their shenanigans. Usually it ends when they find some other place.

Had a couple who thought that calling the police over when we asked them to leave would mean that they'd get to stay yet another free month. The police had to explain to them that sober living homes don't have landlord/tenant provisions.

Had a guy who decided to sneak back over here the back way, and I found him crouched down on all fours, in our garden, wearing only a dirty pair of cut off jeans - literally nothing else. He looked like Gollum, and acted like him, too. My wife had seen him from the window, it gave her a start. To say the least. Had to have the police come and trespass him.

I've dealt with those who after leaving call up the city to make a variety of anonymous and bogus code complaints. Since they're bogus, there's no real trouble, but there's the time of speaking with the city and having one of their people over to wander about.

I've had mud thrown at the house. And an egg. And a soda poured over the front door. And random and spurious damage. Bear in mind, we've only really been up and running with actual clients for 16 months. Less than a year and a half.

And I could go on. The odd part is that while that sounds like a lot, it was still relatively few who did all that. In some instances, one person did more than one of what I described. When a person is upset, they're really upset!

I've pondered upon why, as in some cases they've even voluntarily left without prompting. I think the most charitable explanation is that they were some how counting on us to "cure" them, and when they leave for whatever good or bad reason and realize that their life is still lousy, they then blame the last people who were supposed to "magic wand" them into happiness.

So some who come to me with a tale of woe about how bad the last Charitable Organization treated them, then leave, but are now telling the next Charitable Organization about how bad OUR Charitable Organization treated them! And so it goes.

The other explanation, less charitable, but with some truth to it I'm sure, is that some people are....well...."goofed in the head" by drugs, alcohol and/or mental problems in the first place or they'd not be on the street, so then it's hardly surprising that they then act goofed in the head while here, or while departing.

And there are a lot of anger issues and impulse control issues among alcoholics, addicts and those with various mental/emotional disorders. I've dealt with that in myself, I can hardly claim surprise to see the far more extreme examples in some few others.

I'm thinking about all this lately, as the last person who left - purely voluntarily, I begged him to stay - is now being very angry at us. I can't be for sure, but I think I know why. In any case, I wasted a good bit of one day trying to find him to give him his stuff back, as I had not wished to store it, and then the next day, I got an angry call from him about "Why won't you give my stuff back?"

I told him I'd take it anywhere he wanted, and he gave me the location where he was staying. I went there that evening, and dropped it off, he wasn't there, but his buddy was. Today, he came by with the police, saying that I stole his stuff. His stuff being principally his un-laundered clothes, some resumes that I'd helped him create and print, and a phone charger. Though I got the impression that the list of "valuables" was growing by the minute.

I gave the police free reign to look about, but they didn't care to. He started yelling for me to be arrested and they aided him in leaving our property. He called me later and said he was going to kill me, and then kill my wife. He didn't say "get", he said "kill". But I knew by then from the empty and expired prescriptions among the rest of his things I had bagged up for him, that he was off his medications.

So what to do?

Nothing.

It happens. His physical stature makes it impossible for him to be an unarmed threat, and his financial state makes it impossible for him to afford a weapon even if his felon status didn't prohibit that. Still, it bothers me. But I swore a long time ago that I would not let any negative experience or person stop us from helping the many who are not negative and do wish help.

And those far out number these few.

Also, this is somewhat our own fault. The policy is to take those in who have been through a 90 day program, are somewhat known by at least some of those here already, and have some reasonable chance of success as determined by interview. This was a rush acceptance into our own home, not the sober living home itself, due to considerations of his expressed interest in joining our Church and the extremely cold - at the time - weather.

I was going to post this as a blog article, but I changed my mind. I'm just posting this as a facebook status update. I'd rather the blog be about things not quite as down as this. No, now I've changed my mind again, so here we are on my blog.

I don't even really feel like posting this in any format, but sometimes I feel like writing and sharing, so sorry that this is not so cheery. Bitter with the better and all that!

Pictured: A basket full of kittens to take the sting away! :D

Quantum Addicts

"Ken" (Not his real name) left. Against my advice. "Ken", for the most of you who do not know, was a guy who had been attending my Church for the past few weeks who then shared with us that he'd been sleeping in the woods. Since I'm the guy at Church who runs a sober living home and deals with that kind of thing, I talked it over with some of the Brothers and the Bishop. While we had no openings in the Liahona Home itself, my wife and I did let him move into the basement of our home.

I had suspected some kind of use of drugs yesterday, especially as he then had some behavioral changes late afternoon and on. Sudden loss of energy, withdrawn, didn't even eat the pizza my wife made for him, slept a lot last night, then withdrawn at the Eye-opener AA meeting at Discovery this morning.

When I went to pick him up at the library at 2:30 today, he was fast asleep - in the street. And had a whiff of alcohol about him. I told him he could share anything he liked, and I'd still help him. He had nothing to share. I asked if he'd had any temptations or lapses. He assure me that he'd had temptations, but no lapses.

Fair enough. I never force an admission, not when if they are doing it, the lapse will manifest itself in an obvious way soon enough. I took him home and arranged for him to be able to do some laundry at the Liahona Home, but he didn't show up with his clothes. I looked for him, and he was fast asleep in the twin bed we put down in our basement for him.

He woke up when I called his name and I asked if he was still wanting to do some laundry. He said, "This isn't working out. I'm going to move back to the woods."

I asked him why, but only got standard addict/alcoholic smoke screen answers, to cover up the real answer not wished to be gave out. Which was that now that it's warmer, it's easier to hustle up a few bucks by day for a 40 ouncer and a hit or two of crack in the evening, pass out in refrigerator box full of blankets and newspapers and repeat the next day.

I argued. Pretty long and well. And by argue, I mean sharing kindly about how it would get better, Jesus loves him, we all want him to do better, etc. Not the first time I've gave that talk. But he wasn't budging.

This was not wholly unexpected. The Liahona Home usually takes in those who have completed a 90 day program at the Adult Rehabilitation Center or other equivalent program. He had only had sobriety since the 15th of this month. But he had been attending Church, so given how cold it was when we learned he was sleeping in the woods, it seemed best to try. But I had concerns.

He struck me as a Professional Recoverer. That's where a person comes to enjoy the pettings and praisings and pamperings that you get when you first decide to go to AA meetings and especially if you go to a church. That type then enjoys that for awhile, then when the "new" wears off and/or the weather gets warmer, then it's back to the same old habits.

It doesn't have to be weather. Sometimes they just want to rest up between binges, or they ran out of money, or for whatever reason, they're just taking a temporary break from boozing and drugging before starting up again.

Trouble is that those of us who have recovered "for real" usually did not recover "for real" on the first attempt. So we went to AA meetings, or a church, or both, and enjoyed everyone telling us how wonderfully brave we were, and then we relapsed at various times and for various reasons. And then, a season or a year later, we'd try again.

It varies per alcoholic, but three or four attempts would hardly be unheard of. Nor would half a dozen.

Nor even a dozen.

Or more.

Guess how you tell the difference between an alcoholic/addict who has finally after many earlier attempts recovered "for real" versus the one who is a "professional recoverer"?

You can't.

Only time will tell. If they aren't relapsing, it's real, if they relapse, it wasn't.

It's like we're Quantum Addicts. Like in Schrodinger's famous thought experiment we're both Really Recovered and Pretend Recovered. I've been sober for some years. So my time is "real". But if I relapsed and became an active alcoholic again, then my time - every year of it - would retroactively be "pretend".

As to which I am, for this life, I'm in that Quantum Addict flux. If I endure to the end, and die sober, then Heavenly Father looking in the Box of my life sees that I recovered for real. Or I might relapse, then His observation of my life will show that I had not properly recovered at all.

People disagree. They find that too harsh. But such is the disease of alcoholism. You're sober or you're not, and ultimately your "intentions" and "words" are meaningless. True, my "intentions" and "words" are for sobriety, so in the unlikely event of a relapse on my part, my time in would still be "real". But only Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ would know that my intentions were real, mortal men would do well to just base their judgments on the observable data - which would be, if I were to relapse, "Dean's an idiot" and "It was pretend".

Back to the man who did relapse. I won't tell the details, but there were a remarkable number of stories and excuses gave earlier today when he left. Including some tales of woe that I knew in my heart to be utter lies. Like many, he wished to justify going back to the life he knows is wrong by a series of justifications and rationalizations. And blamings. Unsurprisingly, at the end, I and my Church were at fault.

He would try one excuse, I'd answer, he'd try another, I'd answer, and etc. I'm blessed to have heard them all before. I'm blessed to have tried some of them. I think "blessed" is the right word. Probably not. But I was able to answer his chaff all the same.

When he realized that he wasn't going to be able to give me any of the standard lines about how we hadn't done enough, or couldn't understand his woes, or his last doozy of "I gave up coffee for your Church - and it's too much!", he just left. I followed him out, reminding him that we'd never asked him to stop drinking coffee! Then I assured him that if he stayed, I'd make him all the coffee he wanted, just don't go! He just kept walking.

I don't think it was really coffee he was wanting.

Will I see him again? I don't know. If it gets cold again, he may try and come back, though I'm afraid I cannot in good conscience accept him back. Not without him going to a 90 day program first. Or he might try another church. I gather that my church is not the first that he's "found Jesus" in. So it may not be the last.

Or I might run across him the saddest way of all. The news. That's happened here before, a man walked out last Spring and was found dead of exposure and alcohol-related maladies a few weeks later. Today I just got a piece of mail addressed to him, it was his tax statement from the job that he worked while he stayed with us and was sober.

I mentioned that to "Ken", too, to try to persuade him to stay. I mentioned a lot more than I'm writing. I'm so sad. And it's so stupid for me to be sad, as I knew it would happen. I'd even warned the Missionaries not to get too excited. But I'm still sad. He could have had everything. The moment I took him in, it was like watching a slow motion crash. With me yelling, "Noooo!" like in the movies, arm outstretched, and the car smashing into the wall anyway.

But - free agency. You can tell a guy to put on the brakes, but you cannot make him.

I wish there was a cure for alcoholism. Besides meetings, prayer and hard work. Like a pill. Or while I'm wishing, a magic wand.

I try to have a neat ending to my writings, but I feel like I'm talking at an AA meeting, where I typically end with, "That's all I got."

That's all I got.

Pictured: When he says "the woods" he means this place. Several gather/camp there to drink and drug. Eventually the police will clean it out and they'll scatter and re-group at another similar place. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Cancer Still Uncured

In nearly half the states now - perhaps more, it changes frequently - "medical marijuana" is a legal reality. In many cases, for ten or more years, even starting in the nineties.

And yet from the nineties, to now in 2016, the rates of cure for cancer and a 100 other diseases and conditions have not been impacted at all.

Before legalization, nothing could shut up pot advocates from their myriad of over-blown claims of what a miracle cure pot was and how "Big Pharma" was deliberately letting millions die so they could keep selling bogus cures!

Now, from over 20 years of this disastrous experiment, it's painfully obvious that whatever the faults of "Big Pharma" may be, hiding a cancer cure by keeping pot illegal was not one of them!

And where are the advocates of medical marijuana now? They who were so shrill and strident before, shouting down any of us who expressed any doubt, drowning out our legitimate concerns with their bile and ballyhoo, why aren't they pointing to the precipitous decline of cancer in California, in Colorado and dozens of other states?

Because they can't. It was the lie that "stodgy" and "puritanical" people like myself said it was! If there was some study that even vaguely suggested that cancer rates were lower in legal marijuana states, believe me, it would have been rubbed in all of our faces by now, even if it was questionable!

Instead, it's as I and many others have always said - that any possible benefit marijuana may have can be had by taking it in the pharmaceutical form without the mind-altering effects of smoking it!

So as it stands, pot is a drug that is good at making people dumber. As has been claimed by those not on the "cures cancer" bandwagon all along.

No, it is not that "smart" people have not used pot, it's that the drug does impair people's mental functions and that it is in fact still illegal to operate a motor vehicle while on it - for the obvious reason that it "impairs" you! Thus to take such a thing, that impairs one's mind, is "dumb", no matter how book smart a person might be!

Pot does not, as some too strident anti-marijuana people said in the now far distant past, lead to murder and madness. But the black and white movie that foolishly claimed that pre-dates Hitler's invasion of Poland, and to label those of us who are opposed to pot with that stupid film is "straw man" debating at it's finest!

Yet not so addressed - because they cannot - is that pot does impair a person's mind, does make them giggly and unable to perform as well cognitively, and yes, is a "gateway" drug in that those who engage in it for recreational purposes are FAR more likely to then sample other and stronger drugs than the youth attending Church and shunning it!

Marijuana gives a "high", and for kids, and youth up to 25, to use it then accustoms their still developing brains to rely upon that artificial means to have their pleasure center activated. And again, makes them more likely to try other artificial means, from alcohol to cocaine to heroin to ecstasy, to stimulate their increasingly jaded pleasure center.

It is rare - so rare I've never seen it - to come across a person who "only" has ever smoked marijuana! It is vanishingly rare that we at the Liahona Home ever admitted any alcoholic and/or addict who had not tried this "harmless" pot!

Meanwhile, those not smoking pot, and letting their brains develop without impairment, are taking joy in sports, music, friends, service work, church, learning and many other things that do not require drugs or alcohol!

Yes, those who use pot can also take joy in those things, but it is not an undiluted joy for them, it is a joy that increasingly is associated with, and then dependent on, the drug and/or alcohol they use while enjoying those cleaner activities. The youth who starts by enjoying beer and football, is by middle age simply nursing the beer - football game optional. But never will he be just watching the game - with the beer optional!

I'm writing this because I am angry at those who have for years - decades - spoke for a drug that does so much damage and so little good, do not now have the grace to apologize for what are now so obviously revealed as lies. I'm angry because at every step they pretended not to get any point people like me made, and instead continued to peddle poison as medicine!

Smoking marijuana damages your lungs, impairs a young brain's development, makes driving dangerous and judgment difficult. It leads to other drugs. It steals honest pleasure in good activities. It leads away from the "clean" fun, and towards more dangerous drugs - and people. And most of all.....

.....IT DOES NOT CURE CANCER!

Pictured: A thousand posters of lies, and not one apology for it being shown false!