Of course, in fairness to our guests, we're also well familiar with the principle of "deny, deny, deny" due to my own past difficulties with alcohol.
Long suffering wife: Have you been drinking?
Me: No, of course not!
Wife: Is that alcohol I smell on your breath?
Me: No, it was Nyquil, I have a cold!
Wife: What about this empty pint of gin I found?
Me: Must have been from back when I was still drinking!
Wife: What was it doing in your desk drawer?
Me: What were you doing in my desk drawer? And anyway, I never go in there, I hardly use my desk.
Wife: It wasn't in your desk drawer last week!
Me: Maybe it was, but in the back, and moved forward since.
Wife: You said you don't use that drawer.
Me: Cats might have bumped the desk. Hard to say.
Etc.
Always an answer, never an admission. Yet I'd like to think that even I would have balked at being confronted with a breathalyzer or other such test, and manned up then.
Certainly I hope that of our guests. See, each of those tests costs between $20 and $30. So I'd much rather a person admit it freely then force me to give the test.
Understand, we can't compel a test, that's beyond the scope of our sober living home. Only Parole Officers or Probation Officers can do that. But we can offer. And the rule is, if you refuse to take the test, you're automatically gone from the house.
So if we offer, the person pretty much has to take it, unless they're leaving right then.
What we do, though, is offer for them a chance to admit it. If they're willing to admit it first, thus saving us the cost of a test, then we're willing to work with them, though it would mean a more difficult regimen for them. (And of course we're willing to work with anyone who comes forward even before any request for a test.)
But it's odd - some people will still just deny using, and still take the test, with the sure and certain and obvious knowledge that they'll fail. Just earlier this month we had a guest who was suspected of rocking up some cocaine into crack, and I offered for him to confess first.
The evidence was fairly strong - job difficulties, missing curfew, burnt spoon ("That's not my spoon!"). But no, he went ahead with the test. I gave it to him. Rather reluctantly, as I knew I was basically now paying $20 just to tell someone to leave.
He took it. It wasn't one of those "close" times with faded lines or iffy results or long time lapses. If there had been an "Oh, h*ll yeah" box on the test, it would have filled in at once. I went to tell him and he was already in his bedroom packing. Which kind of bugged me. I mean, what did I do to him for him to cost me $20?
Ahh, well. He left peaceably enough, so that was something.
Another guy after that - in fact, the guy who replaced him - we suspected then of abusing pharmaceuticals, probably the opioids. Sleeping a ton of hours per day, sleeping during the day, getting money - but then not having cash for smokes - all the signs of someone wasting money on drugs and nodding off on them. Oh, and a "good reason" for everything odd. Too many good reasons. Past a certain point, odd is odd, no matter the reasons.
I made him the same offer. He said he had nothing to confess. In fact, if I'd wait till tomorrow, he'd get some cash and give me the cost of the test, and if it was positive, I could keep the cash. Uh huh.
I went ahead and said that I'd just take the chance. He swore he'd pay me anyway were it to be positive. I said, "Well, you're welcome to, but since you'll be out of here tonight if it is positive, I don't really expect you to pay me the next day. Not that you're not welcome to!"
He swore it wouldn't matter, as it was sure to be negative. I got the test out of the box. It was different than the other one. I read the procedure. All the while he is swearing his innocence and letting me know about how bad everyone but him is. That's classic chaff behavior. Deflection and distraction. I said it's not about others, I'm concerned about him.
Finally, I said I was ready, and I started to get ready to open the foil wrapper the cup was in. He said, "Wait, you know what? I just remembered, I was at the hospital a couple of nights ago, and they gave me something - not sure what - that might make me test positive."
I put it away. I was not very happy. Mainly because he was obviously lying, but at the same time, he at least 'fessed up before the test. I reluctantly offered to work with him on this and have him stay, but amazingly, he got upset over that!
His premise was that since it happened at the hospital, he was not at fault! And therefore should have no special regimen! I gently pointed out that regrettably a positive is a positive, and while he might not be aware of it, some addicts had been known to lie about where and how such drugs came to be in their system!
He was even more upset. But this kind of bothered me. I mean, this is obvious, especially to guys in our situation. I pointed out that there were really only three possibilities, all bad. He might be lying about having gone to the hospital - he jumped in to vigorously assure me such was not the case. I reminded him that it was at least possible, and to just listen please.
I said that secondly, he might have actually gone to the hospital and lied to them to get drugs, not all that unlikely since he was at our home for that very problem - drug seeking behavior, forged prescriptions, etc. He rushed to assure me that such would be the furthest thing from his mind!
I said the third possibility, that he'd love me to believe, was that he went to the hospital with a bona fide problem and accepted pain medication of the sort that would cause a test to show positive for opioids. This he said was true.
But, I said, that was actually bad. That alcoholics and addicts aren't normal people, and he was failing - assuming that is what happened - to accept that. That while a normal person should expect Hydrocodone from a dentist for a pulled tooth, guys like us better be asking for Ibuprofen 800 instead. Same with whatever took him to the hospital two nights ago, if he had went.
So it was the regimen or...
Well, he thought that was really unjust, and he said he'd just leave. And so he did. And when I gave him the customary ride to "anywhere you want", he said to take him to the hospital. I asked if he'd not rather go to his mom's, but he told me she was there, and that he'd be meeting her. (He had no phone, so this was unlikely.)
I took him there. On the way he asked if he could have a refund of "his" program fee. I reminded him that Catholic Charities paid his fee and that I'd call them tomorrow over the leftover 19 days. (We never give cash to someone who has to leave, but we'll give credit for the remaining days if the person leaves on good terms and complies with certain conditions of return.)
I begged him along the way to stop whatever he might be on - he interrupted to assure me he was on nothing. I begged him that in a hypothetical case of him being on something, to please stop and reconsider and go to a detox. He insisted again he was clean.
I dropped him off at the ER. The next day I heard he was picked up by the police for acting crazy in some gas station. Where he was insisting on being took to the hospital.
On to the next guest. At least I still have a drug test handy. Though I hope it will be awhile before I have to offer it again.
