Another Day at a Sober Living Home

Yesterday, my day didn't start out too fun. Mentioning at a 7am AA meeting that my sober living home had some beds available caused two overly pious AA members to get all strident about me "advertising". That I was "selling" stuff at a "sacred" AA meeting. Yes, he actually used the word "sacred"! I was more annoyed about the implied insult in the word "selling", though.

Then, a guest of our sober living home was released from jail, but instead of coming back here or calling, just disappeared. He won't answer my texts, calls or facebook messages. I can only pray he is okay. Last time we had a guy disappear like that...well, it's never good.

But then had some good news - on that same day, a woman addicted to heroin, and actively using it, finally let me take her to a detox in Decatur! It would take a long time to try to explain what a difficult chore it is to persuade someone to clean up from heroin, especially when they have before and know what it will mean!

Or the relationships that need to be built among dozens of men and women before just one of them will take you up on your offers. Think of door knocking as a missionary or door to door sales - like that, but you want them to feel the pain of withdrawal instead of hearing about Jesus or buying a vacuum cleaner!

You have to know people, a lot of them, who might need it. They must know you, and know that you're not going to rat them out or get them violated with their PO. They'll usually call a few times to ask for a ride, and it will fall through, but they are just really seeing if you really would.

And you never know who will call. The guy with the booze problem? The woman on heroin - the other woman on heroin? What about that guy who pretended that the glass pipe on his coffee table wasn't a crack pipe? Or his buddy who wonders why I keep bothering (and doesn't realize that it's him I'm hoping to help)? Other weeks and months, other people, but this time, it was a woman on heroin.

I got her there. Such drives are a chore in that you don't want to stop between pick up point and drop off point, but they will always have a million reasons for why a stop is needed. Pick up clothes, pick up this, say good bye to such and so, etc. They may not specifically be intending to jump out and run away, but addicts - like cats - enjoy keeping their options open!

During this, since we were still in town, I had to be emotionally prepared to be left hanging. That's when someone will claim to want to go to detox, then you drive them all around Springfield, and then they ditch you. They just needed a taxi. It happens.

Later she was surprised that each time she asked for something, a soda, a candy bar, a cigarette, that I already had it. I've done this before, though, and they all want these things before checking in. To fail to have any of these things will get them to insist on going to the store for them - with more opportunities for changing their minds.

I had a little bottle of brandy available, too. For the just in case. Most alcoholics like a nip or three before detoxing, and about half of drug users do, too. She did not. And she only wanted half the Snickers, so I came out ahead half a Snickers already! (I love Snickers!)

(Note, they won't much care which chocolate bar, so get them Snickers which at least has some protein in it and is "most known". An oddball selection might get them to request something else.)

She said outside the place, smoking a last cigarette, "You didn't think I was going to come, did you?" And I - still not sure, as she was not yet in doors and checked in - said, "I figured there was a 75% chance you just wanted a ride to Decatur."

She asked, "Why'd you do it then?", and I said, "Because that meant there was a 25% chance you were going to clean up for real!"

She went in. And I made sure she got to the floor she needed for the check in by the simple expedient of carrying her bags. Always help carry their bags, guy or girl. Otherwise when you escort them up they will get mad that you "just don't trust them" and try to use that as an excuse to turn around. 99% of getting an addict to detox is having learned - by sad experience - all the excuses that will pop up to derail it.

I waited till the nurse arrived, giving the old pep talk while waiting. Which is mostly just letting them know that you'll be there when they get out. Recovery being very lonely, as you lose all your addict "friends" along with your addiction. And I got to hold her cell phone for her, so there won't be any temptation to call anyone she shouldn't. A certain "boyfriend/dealer" of hers only having called her phone, and mine, about half a dozen times just on the trip down.

Now it's waiting time. If the detox works, then it'll be time for a rehab program. If that works, then time for a sober living home. And if that works - then success!

But I'll take the first steps I can get in the meanwhile!

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Okay, so I wrote the above this morning, but had not the time to post it and share it everywhere. So I went to school. Since then, things have changed. The good news is that we found our lost sheep, he got transferred from one jail to another, in a county several counties over. But they have him, and there's a hearing tomorrow, so hopefully he'll be released, and I've left a message that he can call me for a ride. So that's good!

And the woman in detox left. Sadly, she wasn't ready yet after all. She had plenty of "good reasons", but talking to her nurse I got the real deal. I did not give her a ride back, but I imagine she'll find one soon enough. From her dealer, if no one else. They're "helpful" like that.

Just another up and down and up and down 24 hours in Sober Living Home Land!